Dr. Kimble Aims Nerf Gun At Nearest Unbeliever To Speed Conversion

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CEDARVILLE - OHIO
Dr. Jeremy Kimble, a beloved professor at Cedarville University, whipped out a bright orange Nerf gun during his sermon Wednesday evening, according to sources. 

"Dr. Kimble has always been known for his earnestness in the pulpit and in the classroom, but this was next level," said Nathan Bardwall, a student who attended Cedarville's GO Conference that evening to hear Kimble speak.

Kimble produced the device at the climax of his sermon and aimed it at the nearest unbeliever. After staring down the orange barrel and hearing Kimble's call for repentance, the individual fell to their knees and received Jesus as their personal Lord and savior on the spot.

Dr. Kimble had no need to fire the weapon, and it is unknown whether it was loaded during the sermon.

As of publishing time, Dr. White has purchased fully automatic Nerf guns for the remaining faculty and staff.

Comments

  1. AnonymousJanuary 8, 2026 at 6:10 PM

    As a Nerf gun enthusiast I approve of these tactics for conversion

    ReplyDelete

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