Dr. Kira Announces New Book: "Professor Hitbox Analysis Done Right"

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CEDARVILLE - OHIO

In a rather surprising announcement on Friday, Dr. Joshua Kira of Cedarville University revealed to the University's Honors students that he was close to publishing his next work, "Professor Hitbox Analysis Done Right." The Babylon Yellow Jacket obtained an exclusive interview with Dr. Kira later that day.

"I've spent most of my waking hours on this book," he remarked. "I have to carefully analyze all the professor shapes out there, reduce them to hitboxes, and then teach others how to do the same. It is not an easy task."

Dr. Kira was inspired to write the book after being told he was to fight against Dr. Gilhooly, Dr. Rogers, and Dr. Kimble as part of the Elliv preshow. Dr. Kira knew he would lose the fight and wrote the book as an attempt to explain why. "Dr. Kimble's hitbox is like this," he told the editors as he drew a rectangle the width of a pencil on the whiteboard. "My hitbox is about here," he drew a much shorter and slightly wider rectangle. "Dr. Gilhooly is roughly the shape of a square, and Dr. Rogers is much wider." For Roger's hitbox, he proceeded to draw a rectangle 3 times the width of Gilhooly's box and 20 times the width of Kimble's. "Dr. Rogers could punch me and he wouldn't feel anything. I would just disintegrate."

Dr. Kira believes that every student should be able to accurately quantify a professor's hitbox size so that they can know who to pick in a fight over late exam scores. The book walks step-by-step through the analyzing process and covers topics such as density estimations and CG calculations.

As of publishing time, "Professor Hitbox Analysis Done Right" has received over 5,000 preorders and Dr. Kira has announced that he will hold a live book singing next weekend in the SSC.

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