Recent Influx of Bible Majors Reported After Florida Campus Announced

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CEDARVILLE - OHIO

Website traffic at the site cedarville.edu/florida spiked during the State of the University Address today as students researched the possibility of avoiding the brutal Ohio winter next semester. Most were disappointed to learn that only online classes and Bible classes would be offered on the new campus.

According to several interviews conducted by the Babylon Yellow Jacket after today’s chapel, 17% of students had second thoughts about their current major. Of those 17%, 78% were freshmen students. As of this writing, 28% of those 17% have switched to a BA in Biblical and Theological Studies and are planning to move to Florida. Just how many people is that? That’s a good question. You do the math.

Aside from second-guessing their majors, students generally have expressed enthusiasm for the Florida campus. We at the Babylon Yellow Jacket also look forward to the future of the university with enthusiasm, although we can’t help feeling this is just an elaborate plot to reduce chapel attendance so that the building doesn’t suffer a structural failure during the bridge of “I Believe.”

Comments

  1. AnonymousOctober 2, 2026 at 5:34 PM

    They’re back!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousOctober 2, 2026 at 5:35 PM

    Praise the Lord!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousOctober 2, 2026 at 5:48 PM

    You should cedar classifids…

    ReplyDelete
  4. Aldo KingOctober 13, 2026 at 2:13 AM

    University life in the UK comes with relentless deadlines, and keeping up with every module feels nearly impossible at times. I had no idea where to look when coursework started piling up fast. A friend suggested trying professional assignment help uk experts, and honestly that changed how I managed my academic workload. After getting connected with homework help in London specialists who understood my exact course requirements, my submissions improved noticeably. The writers are thorough, the content is well-researched, and the turnaround is quick. Every student facing tight academic pressure should consider reaching out to qualified experts nearby.

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