Possible Uses for the Stone Thingy at the Back of the HSC

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CEDARVILLE - OHIO

If you’ve ever had a class at the HSC, chances are you’ve located a stone... thing sitting outside the building. However, no one quite knows its true purpose. Fortunately for you, the editors of the Babylon Yellow Jacket have compiled a very realistic list of the most likely uses for the HSC stone thingy.

1. Ancient Greek/Roman Amphitheater

Legend has it that the Greeks and Romans settled Cedarville and this was the town amphitheater. Further proof for this theory is offered by the fact that Roman coins have been unearthed in Ohio. (Look it up!)

2. The Original Cedarville Chapel

Some speculate that the first chapel services at Cedarville College were held here in the fall of 1887. The steps have been abandoned since the winter of 1887. A wise move.

4. Incomplete Altar to the Stinger Idol

According to rare manuscripts unearthed in the men's bathroom of the Centennial Library, an altar to the Stinger Idol was to be constructed outside the HSC. The steps leading to the altar strongly resemble the stone thingy. However, the planned altar is missing. Most experts believe that Dr. Rogers and Dr. White convinced the trustee board that the Stinger Idol would be content without a dedicated altar for sacrifices. The funds to build the altar were instead used to build Chick-fil-A.

5. Cedar Wedding Venue

It's right between the HSC and the ENS. It really is the perfect location for a marriage between an Engineer and a Nurse.

5. Alien Peace Monument

We can't go into details here, but we can provide a quick summary. After Cedarville University made peace with the Sakraliman Aliens in the K-Dimension, the Sakralimans left this monument as a mark on the University. Underneath the bricks is an inscription which reads, "If anyone kills Dr. Thomas White, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold."

There were many more theories discussed, but these were the top 5. However, things could change. Cedar Archeologists are constantly unearthing new artifacts around campus. If the Lord tarries, the true story behind the HSC Stone Thingy may one day be revealed.

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