Security Officer Realizes He Probably Won’t Ever Shoot His Gun

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 CEDARVILLE - OHIO

Wyatt Kenny, a campus security officer, had a crazy thought one day as he put on his gun for the day: "I don't think I'll actually ever use this thing." 

“I know most people want action and risk, but you just don’t get that at a Christian campus, which is good. I’m not saying I want to point a gun at anyone, but it’s a bummer that I never will get that kind of action.”

Bruce Upchurch, Director of Campus Security, didn't know what to say when he heard it. His mind was blown, too. "We trained to be able to use this thing, yet we never will. That sucks." 

Sources say the one officer (who will remain anonymous) gets a catapult to launch a watermelon into the air so she can shoot it out of the air. She does this every Tuesday.

As of posting time, all of campus security decided to play a massive game of paintball against anyone who volunteers to be on the other team. That ad was on Cedarville Classifeds.

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